I really wanted to participate in Mango Minster (sniff, sniff). I paced and I pawed night after night trying to make myself fit in one of this year's categories. But the truth is - I don't fit and all the magic pillows, workout videos, and quirky costumes will not make up for my lack of dogness.
|What do you mean, real dogs don't wear bathing suits?|
But then I read Tank's post and realized I wasn't alone. Like Tank, I am a non-dog dog. Now, we all know Tank is more dog than me, but whatever ...
Where did things go so wrong for me? I have a few theories:
Painful Childhood. Yes, I had a rough start in life, but LOTS of dogs have rough starts and few lose track of their core dogness.
|Poor me. I am sad and scared.|
Feline Siblings. I was practically raised by cats and struggle with mild species confusion. I have even dabbled in (deep breath) catnip.
|Don't blame us. We turned out normal.|
Urban Living. I have always lived in apartments and never had a yard to call my own. Real dogs have yards, right?
|It's not much, but this park bench is all mine.|
Dsyfunctional Parenting. My mom coddles me. I can't go anywhere without a sweater, jacket, or bandana. She doesn't let me out at night and she carries me EVERYWHERE. Many thought this insanity might end after she had a REAL child, but my friends, it hasn't ...
Late Bloomer. I didn't start blogging until I was 12. Prior to blogging, I had no idea what REAL dogs actually do! Who knew there was a whole world out there that doesn't involve sleeping on the couch, eating peanut butter sandwiches, and watching daytime talk shows?
|This is WAY more fun than watching the ladies on The View fight.|
Heck, I didn't even know squirrels were the enemy! Sure, sometimes I would see one run by the window, but I was clueless about their diabolic plan to take over the the world. I know better now - thank you non-dog dog brother, Tank.
But with the help of Oprah, cheeseburgers, and an occasional pumpkin pie, I have learned to embrace my non-dogness.
|I gotta be me! I gotta be free!|